he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
