I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
