All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
