Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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