you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
