i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
handjob tips. give me some.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
