i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
