This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
