If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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