You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
