I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
