i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
