you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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