You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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