I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
home. puking in laundry basket.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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