i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
