Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
