he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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