Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
