Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
