just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
