You work out of a Hotel?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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