I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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