oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
