If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
