he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
