The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
