So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm both gender and math confused
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
