i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
