dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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