I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
