I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
