Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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