Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
