omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Pooping to opera.
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