I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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