Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
