Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
