trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
