party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
