guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
