The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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