Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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