on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
