Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
