I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
