Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
