part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
