I bet he comes in French.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
