my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
