I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
