I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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