apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
