I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
