Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
