Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
