I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
