I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
