I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
