Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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