My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
