He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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