I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am midnight drunk by noon
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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