did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
