When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
