I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
