Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize