i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
