Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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