Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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