Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
