I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
