I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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