Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
operation have a gay friend backfired
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
