like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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