I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
