u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
